Journal Entry for 23 July 2014

I really do not know what to write today. I am definitely experiencing a state of apathy, which is stemming from an experiences earlier today, but affecting my writing also. Experiences run in cycles it seems. Until they're broken, a cycle will continue. What breaks a cycle though? Is it force? Can force alone break a cycle? What is the force that could perform such a task? I doubt force is the answer. Rather learning, for learning and the acquiring of understandings is powerful. There comes the question then, "What is power?" I suppose. It is my understanding that force is asserted while power just is. Back to that cycle though. I've read that a person will experience a lesson in life in one form or another until they learn the lesson. I apply this to my life regularly. Especially when I'm experiencing something that I do not want to experience ever again. So I ask myself, what am I experiencing, how did I come here, and what needs to change? The change is always within ourselves or the way we do things. One cannot change another person, though one can inflict a stimulus which may be what it takes for another person to choose to change, however, the change is still made on the part of the person themselves. So I ask myself within that context, what do I need to change within myself to overcome the situation or save myself from reliving it over and over. How should i respond to the situation? These are all questions that I am asking myself at this moment and I am not sure how to answer them. It can be difficult to see clearly through the filter of melancholy to make a wise decision. This too shall pass.

Journal Entry for 21 July 2014

Today I took a trip into the outskirts of town and visited the Lowes store. I had the idea to look at panel board or ply-wood to make a sign for Free Dream Interpretation, when I and the group go to the downtown square area and interpret dreams. I never found a board for the price that I wanted to pay. I was hoping to find a decent piece of ply-wood for about $10 but I wasn't sure what I'd find since I haven't been to Lowes in some time. It's possible that I over looked the ply-wood I was looking for, but all I did see was some priced remarkably higher in price. I did pick up an 8 foot rough cut board of cedar that I had them cut for me a few times. I should have enough to make 3 fold-up meditation benches. I had thought about selling these for a profit, but we will see how I feel once they are complete. I initially set off to find something productive that would bring me out of a melancholy.

Before making it home, the family and I followed some signs for a Hippie Hollow Boutique, which turns out to only be open on Saturdays. The road led me back around and we ended up near the Humane Society where we stopped in and played with a bunch of kittens for about an hour. They had so many kittens that they were having an adoption sale. I was so tempted to get the crazy cat man starter kit. There were at least a dozen that I wanted to adopt, both young and old. I managed to maintain some great impulse control however and walk away empty handed. Someone would adopt some kittens I am certain, I just better go home and take care of my old fur ball.

Arriving home I settled down to begin hashing out the story line for some fiction when I got side tracked with some of the more technical aspects of formatting the MS Word document to meet eBook criteria. For now I am deciding to hold off on understanding the technicalities and just write my story. I will check with a friend who understands it better and then maybe I can receive some clarity on how this formatting system works.

Writing - Journal Entry for 20 July 2014

So the time for the summer class cram is coming to an end. I'm hoping to find time, make time, manifest time, magically zap time into existence, to finally start writing some novellas again. A few ideas come to mind, but nothing I feel like elaborating upon here. There are a few ideas however. Still roughing out the details though.

Some of my creativity has returned and I have begun doodling to stimulate it further. I have yet to finish a doodle though. None have turned out the original way I saw them, but this is normal for me when I begin drawing. I draw and then trash it. Draw and then trash it. Good music playing in the background also helps. I love drawing to some music. Sometimes, the genre helps stimulate the creativity. Mood music.

It has been a dry feeling day. A melancholy has overtaken me to be honest. Everything has a strange distance to it. It feels like a day that I'd much rather swing in a hammock and maybe this is why the aforementioned art work was not coming out as well as I'd like and the creativity is a bit stunted. Gonna need to nap this one out and return with a musical and artistic vengeance.

The pen has been found! - Journal Entry for 19 July 2014

Yay! So today the pen was found! For those not following, it is the stylus pen to my wacom tablet. This tablet allows me to draw directly into graphic design programs much like I'd draw on paper. The family left today to do some photography work while I stayed at home and caught up on the old homework. After awhile of being at the desk and staring at a computer of text for far too long, I opened a tab to deviantart.com and began browsing my notifications of new art from artists that I watch. There was some really good stuff to be seen! I clicked someone's link to a Youtube video of them drawing. After a few minutes I'd had it. The search resumed with a vengeance!

I began in the garage thinking that maybe my pen got stuck in a box or somewhere between my books on the bookshelves.I removed the books one by one and found nothing! I continued digging through each and every box that a pen by chance might find it's way into the box. Still, I found nothing. I continued through cabinets and drawers, through room after room.

Finally, I decided to flip a recliner over. I had searched through it a number of times already, but still it felt like the right thing to do. As the recliner flipped, I heard something fall. I quickly looked under to see what had fallen. Lo and behold, the stylus of destiny, the stylus of art yet to come!

As I sat down to draw something out for some relax time, nothing came to me. I stared blankly at my computer and couldn't believe that the inspiration that I'd had the days prior, minus my pen, was gone. Sigh. Such the way it goes sometimes.

The case of the missing pen - Journal Entry for 18 July 2014

I cannot find my stylus for my Wacom Bamboo tablet. It's driving me bonkers. In an attempt to clean up my desk area, it's been misplaced. I've been searching for weeks. I've gone from room to room checking all around the area where the tablet was stored, but there is no pen. I've checked in the places I thought a pen looking stick might be placed if found. Still there is no pen. I've dug, searched, and rummaged all the places it might not be. Yet, there is no pen. My garage looks more chaotic every day that I go digging through it. I keep hoping that at least I will find the spare that I had misplaced some time back I dig through plastic bags and old laptop bags. I have torn open boxes that I've thrown stuff in, only to leave the stuff on the garage floor. The end result does not appear orderly, however there is no pen.Where is it?! How could it stay lost for such a long time? I have even thought about buying an upgrade to the tablet just so I could get back to creating art again. This is frustrating. Not quite as frustrating as trying to find something I'm so interested in that I can motivate myself to perform all of the research questionnaires, but still, frustrating.

Those research questionnaires are another thing. I had thought surely there is something I am passionate enough about that doing this will be a piece of cake. Right? Wrong. That blew my mind. Whew! There it is, glad I got that off of my chest. I was certain that I was so passionate about dreams that I could answer each one of those questions, cutting through that word document like a hot knife through butter, but alas, I met resistance with each question I came to. This is not my desire. Though I have taken from these assignments, methods to broaden and narrow out a questioning and research method, I have also persuaded myself to shy away further from any career which may ask me to perform such a gauntlet. What am I saying? I don't know the future, I might come around...maybe. We'll see.

A Movie Break - Journal Entry for 17 July 2014

Today, upon waking I wrote down my dream and then began doing college work. Homework turned into cleaning my bedroom, which turned into cooking lunch, which then turned into spiritual disciplines, and so on. I came to a point where I needed a break. I asked my wife what movies are playing. She rallied off a list of some at one location that is nicely cheaper to attend, but they had nothing of interest. I can be difficult to please with multimedia (movies, television shows, magazines. too many are filled with drama that if I wanted to witness I would just pay attention to my surroundings as I walk down a sidewalk, and that's free of charge). She listed the movies playing at another location, one stood out and she agreed that it sounded neat. Edge of Tomorrow... I've seen the trailer and had the soundtrack stuck in my head in the past. This all sounded nice, but mostly I was craving a break from the book work with an addition of soda and buttered popcorn.

We enjoyed the action packed sci-fi movie with it's moments of humor. A number of things stood out to me beyond the scope of the movie however, and though I wish I could elaborate more clearly on these for the audience, I'm afraid I shouldn't yet as I am still digesting the thoughts myself. It was a great choice for a break away movie. I came home and sat recalling my favorite parts until I was ready to continue with my obligations of college work and such. Now I must finish some disciplines.

Teaching and a Dream - Journal Entry for 16 July 2014

At the School of Metaphysics, there comes a time when a student is given the opportunity to teach what they have learned. Recently, I was given the opportunity. In the past I had looked forward to teaching, though I came to a point where I realized I wanted to teach for the wrong reasons. I felt it was something that would give me a common quality to relate to others in the school. After breaking through this egoic situation, I carried on content with my gaining of understandings and experiences. Then I was asked to meet with the director before a class I was going to audit. I had a feeling what the meeting was about but awaited the confirmation. I sat down with the director as he popped the offer to teach. I stared on and smiled as he finished his statements. My thoughts had been confirmed, but now I wasn't entirely sure that it was what I wanted. I had understood that wisdom can be acquired by passing on my understandings. I had heard the the one who teachers, learns. I had learned that one receives when they give. I knew that teaching what I had learned and no longer simply believed, but knew, would be beneficial for others who were also wanting to learn more about themselves and grow. I just didn't know if I wanted the commitment. I said I desired a night to meditate on it, which I was given. That night I had a dream, a dream that even to me did not make much sense in terms of my waking experiences. However, I interpreted it with the help of a more experienced dream interpreter.

I had tried to do what is called Dream Incubation. The idea is that one free writes, or Conscious Journaling by the name those in my school call it, on the subject one seeks guidance or an answer on. The idea is to prepare the intention that you desire a dream which comes from the subconscious level of mind when the conscious level is unable to make a decision. I hope I haven't lost anyone on this yet. So this is what I did and then I dreamed.

The dream goes as follows: I am in a building where circus shows and plays are performed and I am speaking with a woman who is the owner of the building. I then stand in the middle of a group of mixed military individuals and I too am wearing my old military uniform. A young woman named Natasha I recall, was stating her concern about a playground to which the military group stated it was not their jurisdiction. I looked to the side and I saw an African-American boy dancing and spinning on his head.

The interpretation goes as follows: I am in a place where my imagination and talents can be expressed. I have a disciplined expression. The girls name in numerology adds up to a 10 which is a powerful beginning number. The boy represents a different way of thinking that I am finding harmony with.

After these were pointed out I saw how they fit into place in the dream and this is a good dream on any night, but I wasn't really clear if it clarified any anxiety about teaching. I agreed still because I perceived that these were lessons I could teach quite beneficially. Still I continued to incubate the dream. Last night the dream showed the experiences of my waking state but ended with a particularly great set of symbols.

My dream ended as follows: I am holding a large jar of dehydrated fruit, and groups of people are coming to me with their jars which are empty and presenting them to me. I begin pouring my jar into theirs one at a time, filling each one up. I keep looking at my jar expecting it to be running out but it stays full and I fill many many jars until I wake up.

This dream was easy to interpret for me. Very easy. Food represents knowledge and the quality of the food often tells the dreamer the quality of knowledge. Fruit is a healthy food, and it was dehydrated which makes it last longer. This is long lasting knowledge in my jar. People come to me with their jars empty, and I pour my knowledge into their jars filling them up, but I never lose any knowledge or lack. I can view these people as aspects of myself further receiving knowledge, or just simply that it answered my question.

Now I'm craving some dehydrated fruit or trail mix. Yum!

Journal Entry for 15 July 2014

Sometimes I think that the people who do something before anyone else ever did must be some intelligent pioneer of their time. Then again there is always that guy who discovered you could drink cow's milk. Great result, though the thought process must have been weird.

"I'm gonna drink what comes out of those and see what that's like." 

I wonder sometimes if the first person who began to fall asleep was thinking oh no I'm dying, then wakes up and is like oh that was awesome. These are jokes of course but I sometimes it's clear the discovery of new things might not have been thought out so well, and therefor were discovered by accident. I imagine that one day those crazy youtube videos of kids playing around, half-blowing themselves up, will be like woah that was gnarly but check out this accidental by-product of our shenanigans!!! And then boom, millionaires!

I wonder how many more great ideas people could discover due to playful accidents? If I may put it that way.

Will Power - Journal Entry for 14 July 2014

I've stated before that I observe two days of the week in which I eat fruits only. I'm the only one in my family that does this. I get to eat a number of things that are not exactly fruit and I do get to use about every seasoning in the spice cabinet to do so. Since my family does not follow suit, I have spent a many a day cooking delicious foods for them that are off the menu for me.

Today for example I was asked if I could cook on the grill instead of cooking on the stove top. I crinkled my face as I realized how good this food was going to taste and I wouldn't be able to partake in it until Wednesday. Which is when it will be all gone. It wasn't just one meal that I cooked either. I cooked three separate meals on the grill. Each one smelt so good! I started off with pork chops with mouth watering seasoning, searing each side first to seal the meat and lock the juices in. I followed up with steak sauce marinated hamburgers, oh goodness my mouth is watering even now. Last but of course not least, I grilled up some marinated sirloin steaks. Which were likewise seared and came off the grill tender and juicy. All the while I'm casually eating my fruits. A plump watermelon was my friend for the day as I grazed on the seedless, red chunks of deliciousness. I'm told that the steaks were amazing. I'm perplexed in a state of jealousy and flattery. I'll just sit here and enjoy this apple.

Letter writing - Journal Entry for 13 July 2014

It has come to an age of technology. A time in which we are allotted the ease of instant communication with one another. The days of hand written letter writing are simmering down or at least so it seems among those I know and speak with. Aside from the few generic template correspondences I've received from business discussing one manner or another. Only one wrote one by hand. The meaning this hand upon was immense.

Today I still write my dad letters. Though much of it could be due to his current situation not allowing him many of the pleasantries associated with instant communication. I have found there to be an elegance in written letters that text messages and e-mails have lacked. Is it the the personalized font (as it were)? The personalized signature? The energy put into the process of writing each thought onto paper as each hemisphere fires off impulse after impulse inside the writers head?

A teacher of mine once told me that it is easy to disregard emails, but people will open an envelope. The feeling is different I can concur. Is it just that the "new" has rubbed off of e-mails and instant communication? Could that be all that it is? As a younger man or child or what ever one chooses to call me when I was first experiencing e-mail messaging, I was excited with each e-mail I received. With a ding of the computer, I would scurry to the computer in excitement. "Woooo! I have an e-mail!" Now I see the mail courier stop at my box and leave behind some envelops and the occasional package. "WOOOO! I've got mail!" I state as I scurry out the door waving at the mail courier as they continue their route. Is it the personal interaction associated with the process? The desire for connected-ness? Has the quest to be connected to the cloud left us disconnected? I often wonder such a thing.

Letter writing is such a simple task and yet each letter is special. Each letter has had it's own journey as it evolved from the thoughts of one person, evolved into a written form, packaged, processed and carried by many others until it reaches it's destination where it can be opened and the information received. I think there is a beauty to that imagery.

To this day I still enjoy each letter I receive. Each one, no matter the contents of the message, are a treasure of time and thought to which I have not quite found in the instant communication of this age.

12 July 2014 - Banana Chips

Okay. Here is my confession. I love yard sales and garage sales! Whew. There it is. I said it. Seriously though, the old saying that one man's trash is another man's treasure. There is something to that! I went to one yard sale today. ONE! I found a food dehydrator NEW in the box! HOLY COW! What a find! Okay, now I know this may not be big news for anyone else, but for a guy who observes two days every week where all I eat is fruit, this is kind of a big deal. For the life of me I have been unable to find a store that sells banana chips that have not be coated in sugar. I've looked! I've been to the regular stores and the health food stores. No luck either way! Now I can make my own though! You cannot imagine the feeling I am having right now over the simplicity of being able to make my own banana chips!

That's not all! I got a BBQ utensil set (I broke my last set pressing a burger into the cooking surface and pew the handles broke. That's a tough burger!) I found two small sleeping bags in awesome condition. Now my kiddos can have a sleeping bag for sleep overs! Tag onto that a pretty sweet fold out chair that has a foot rest (A FOOT REST!!!) built into it. All of this, all of it, only costed me twenty dollars. I would have paid that easily for the food dehydrator, which by the way, right now is making banana chips. Boom-Awesome!

Dream Interpretation at Art Walk 11 July 2014

I arrived at the school after taking a proctored exam at the college. The exam didn't go so well as I did not complete reading the chapters associated, so I shot from the hip on those related questions. A score I"m still alright with as the grades will balance the end result out. At the school I spoke with my teacher about a dream I had and was still interpreting it. After having a cup of coffee I sat down and typed up an Intuitive Health Analysis, transcribed it from a cassette tape actually. It's always interesting what you will find that relates to your own self when you set down to type out an intuitive report. I learned a lot about decisiveness with my thoughts, though humorously I'm undecided on where to use this knowledge. Oh learning experiences.

As more students showed up to help prepare for a garage sale that is happening on Saturday, one of my class mates as well showed up. He was heading to Art Walk and was going to interpret dreams. He asked if I would come along and which I agreed, sure, sounds like a fun idea. The night carried on as we stood on a corner in Downtown with a sign that stated Free Dream Interpretation. One by one and in groups people came and stopped and asked to have their dreams interpreted. For me dreaming is very important and getting to see many people stop, share a dream, receive an interpretation and smile as their eyes light up. Those moments were magnificent for me and very fulfilling.

I also saw friends who were once students with me in the school, current students as well. One of which had some art on display at the art walk. Seeing the art on display was so much fun. The night turned into a scavenger hunt to find a place to eat as the discussion of dreams and metaphysical studies bantered along. The food was great but the conversation was better.

Journal Entry for 10 July 2014 - What to write about?

Today, like many other days lately, has centered around home work. An essay at the moment about places. Picking a place to write about and a story to go with it in a sense has been the bouncing around of interest in my mind. What places have I been to that have had a lot of impact or what places have I had some very enjoyable experiences? At first I wondered where I would write about as I don't visit that many places usually. I don't even visit family that often currently. So to even have a story that says I went to this one place, this one time, and did this really awesome thing that was quite the phenomenal experience and I just gotta share.... well... that's going to need to stretch back into my memory for some places to share about. I thought about the School of Metaphysics as one location, I thought about military bases that I've been to across the globe with their own dusty charm (cough), houses of family and places of summer events are quite the stretch for recalling and gathering reference information. The school though, is very recent in my memory and has been the location of many lessons and experiences. It's decently local for me to research and gather references. I'm pretty sure this will be an good idea to build an essay around. It feels pretty good.

Journal Entry for 9 July 2014 - S.O.M. Errands and Homework

Three chapters of American Government to study for an exam, an essay revision and a new essay, blog posts, and discussion boards. Now add on to that fundraiser errands, a class audit, dream webinar, room reservations for Dream Catchers and an attempt to transcribe a report.I did not get it all done. Nope. I could only read so much about American Government before needing a mid-day nap. That was a wonderful 30 minutes. There were some successes in submitting donation paperwork for an up and coming benefit for the School. I managed to schedule the Dream Catcher's room and attend the dream webinar. The transcribing of Intuitive Reports are always very interesting for me and I wish I could give them more of my attention. However, I was unable to complete the transcription of the report tonight. I was beginning to type up a Health Analysis when I realized what time it was getting to be, my teachers at the School of Metaphysics were heading off to bed soon and I still needed to make it back home in time to type up this blog post. I think maybe one day I should type up a better description of intuitive reports, but that's for a blog post of it's own. Come first light, more home work I'm afraid. (Internal Screaming)

Journal Entry for 8 July 2014 - Fruit Days

Twice a week I partake in an exercise of will as part of my studies. Fruit Day we call it. Initially it was only once a week and then that expanded to two days in a row. Monday and Tuesdays. What is defined as a fruit for these two days are not exactly what you would think always. There are the usual bananas and apples of course but then there is also squash... I was thrown off by this the first time I heard this. The standard for acceptable fruits are defined as having a seed, then fruit, and then the skin surrounding it. So squash and cucumbers are okay but strawberries aren't. I'm allowed any seasonings, except sugar...that's not a seasoning even if I say that I'd like to season it with sugar...(insert frowning face here).

I've become well adapt at cooking around the standards in place. Though sometimes I settle for a meal of avocado seasoned with lemon pepper, which is surprisingly good and filling. Very healthy too! My all time go-to favorite dish to make is Fruit Day Chili. The main ingredient is butternut squash. Dice that up, simmer it to become soft in consistency, toss in a pot with diced tomatoes, peppers if you desire, add some tomato sauce and season with cumin, garlic powder, onion powder, chili pepper for a kick, and you are pretty well good to go once that is heated long enough for the seasonings to settle in. Some days I experiment with the ingredients and make it more Italian based, adding black and green olives throwing in parsley and oregano seasonings, some paprika as well, and tone down the chili seasoning. It's a good idea to keep things changing for fruit days. It's too easy to fall into a habit of cooking the same thing over and over until you are so tired and bored of that taste come next fruit day.

So today I experimented again! I tried to see if I could make a french fry out of sliced up butternut squash. So far it is not a success. Butternut squash does not share the potatoes super power of becoming french fries. (Sigh) So now, on my stove is a plate of mushy butternut squash that is needing to be seasoned. I am torn between seasoning options right now. Should I add a tang flavor, spicy flavor, or just a strong combination of garlic, onion, salt and pepper? Choices choices choices. These are the questions on fruit day.

Journal Entry for 7 July 2014 Some talk of dreams.

College errands. Yep. I said it. Today was the day I realized I hadn't registered for Fall classes yet. Which means it was another day of me sitting down trying to figure out which class will fit into my day where and how much time that will give me between classes and the like. Surprisingly, I was stressed. Why? I don't even know. It seemed easy enough, I just don't think I was liking the idea of how crammed my schedule was about to become. The difference also being that I will be attending classes in a seated sitting during the Fall instead of online classes. Schedules can be my worst nightmare because in the past I would arrive really early to events, work, etc, and it just got old. Some have said that's great you're always early!!! To which my response was, I'm here because I'm always worried about being late and the consequences. Let's just say that is not a desirable way to live. Now I will see if that is how I respond this time around to schedules.

So much of my day outside of college work revolves around the subject of metaphysics. I often feel that I should discuss it in this blog since I'm blogging in journal-ish form. Instead of diving into the deep end of it all, I think I will wade into the shallow end of talking about dreams, since I have found other times to talk about dreams in my school work. I write my dreams down and value my dreams. I believe that dreams are often a set of images that relay a message from the subconscious mind, trying to point out something I need to put my attention on during the day. So far, within the last (almost) year of doing this, most of my dreams have been interpreted accurately. The last few nights I had a dream of hills. The first night I walked into a hill at the base of it. The next night I saw the top of a hill cut off and removed so that I could stare down inside of it and I could see the contents which were rock, metals, even trees!!! Then once again I dreamed of this happening last night as well. This time, a teacher-like figure that I know was pointing out to me the contents of the hill once again. Teachers and authority figures, for me, have represented the super-conscious mind. I pay close attention to the dream meaning when I have such a symbol. So, at first I wasn't paying as much attention to the hills and their contents in the dreams, as there was a lot of other dream content that is not listed here. I was occupied with the meaning of all the other symbols and overlooking the hills. Hills and mountains have represented a challenge or obstacle, something to overcome. So, now that in the dream I am seeing the inside of the hill and what it contains, I realized that during my waking life I am seeing the contents of some obstacle or challenge. Though I am not paying attention to it. So after having the dream imagery three times and one with a super-conscious symbol even, I realized, I better pay attention to what is the obstacle in my life because even though I'm not giving it my attention, I see clearly what the underlying parts and challenges are and should be able to overcome this challenge quite easily. I love interpreting dreams.

Journal Entry for 6 July 2014

Today I experienced the coming together of many understandings. I couldn't help but laugh and smile as the pieces from several lessons and discussions snow balled into a clear image of what the information meant. The understandings are of a mental disciplined nature and would take quite a long blog post to explain each and every importance and it's locating in the line of reasoning. For the last few days I have experienced moments like this where the understandings revealed themselves from beneath the piles of daily thoughts. The realization today left me smiling and laughing in near disbelief that is was making sense to me as I drove through town. I chuckled as I thought over what was possible in mind with the combination of memory, imagination and concentration. The amount of understandings that are becoming solidified has even been showing up in my dreams. Which I have found extremely exciting as a form of confirmation. My experience with dreaming and interpreting dreams has been that dreams tell me a message of where my consciousness has been the days prior, so when they are filled with situations discussing and experiencing what I'm beginning to clearly understand, that is quite a fulfilling dream. I was able to sit for a few hours today and discuss my understandings with my teacher and a classmate, which turned out even better than could be expected. It's great when you can have someone to talk to and reflect your thoughts upon. Also on a positive note, I enjoyed a brownie today. A small one. A very small one. Still, I had a brownie.

Journal Entry for 5 July 2014

I experienced quite the let down today as I attempted to cut grass at the school. The grass is in dire need of a trim. Half way through the process the mower stops working. Bummer. I move it to the garage and tinker with it but I was unable to come to a conclusion. At this moment my teacher come out to greet me and tells me he and some others are going to a lecture on essential oils. I decided.to take a break and goto the lecture; I would have some maintenance performed on the mower later. I ended up having such a wonderful time and it was quite the learning experience. I was happy the mower stopped when it did, otherwise I may not have gone to the lecture and learned all that I did.

Journal Entry for 4 July 2014

The day of festivities to celebrate our Independence Day is here! The kids have already been outside shooting off their fireworks. Bottle rockets and smoke bombs until the sun begins to set. Now they're taking a break while I continue at the homework grind. It's possible that I attend too many schools of study.

Today I managed to work in a moment to brush my cat. The poor guy really needed to be brushed. Summer heat is catching up with his long poofy hair. The little guy is so furry I think I brushed enough hair to cover another cat. Maybe I could get into the cat toupee business. He could be quite the contributor.

I sat today pondering how to make Dream Journals as a crafting experience for the next up and coming Dream Catcher's meetup group. I kept coming up with ideas that I was not satisfied with until I stumbled upon some brown craft foam in my garage. Twelve by eighteen inches folder in half.... just might work I thought. So I brought it inside and laid out the template, folding, positioning paper and thinking further how I would combine it all. Five minutes later I'm texting my co-coordinator the idea and process. A reply of "neato" was one of the clearest confirmations of an idea of mine I think I've had from her.

I still stare over the list of books I desire to read through the summer days. Each one related to a form of theosophy, philosophy and the like. I'm not sure when I last read a book of fiction. The moments of day dream that I work int periodically have filled the spaces normally allotted for stories of the sort. I laugh that I might be able to finish one book by the end of the summer. Maybe. At least I can work on collecting for that library I hope to have one day. That is a wonderful thought.

Journal Entry for 3 July 2014

Today I took my kids to pick out some fireworks to celebrate Independence Day. In our small town I found three tents near by each other all competing for business. It does seem that the price goes up each year, but that seems like a subject of economics and federal reserve shenanigans, which isn't too interesting of a subject at the moment.

I bought them a lot of the usual fun but not so pretty fireworks to play with through out the day. What would it be without the snappers that go pow when thrown on the ground? I did pass up the confetti poppers that I usually enjoy. Then we shopped out the pretty, flashy, light up things. Sparklers and dancing blossoms. My son is getting older, and I decided this year would be an okay year for bottle rockets. Though I stared at them longer trying to say yes or no within my own mind. I spotted many colorful fireworks that would be fun for the celebration of this phenomenal country (though I couldn't find the elusive free health care firecracker...I'm pretty sure that is one of those fireworks that are only shot off in a few other countries). Smoke bombs, flying disks, little sparkler tanks and even a egg laying hen thingy. They walked away with quite a bag full of celebratory items, smiling and talking the whole way with excitement. Now the wait until they came ignite the fun seems to test their little waiting abilities until tomorrow. Now my hope is that this year I don't have a sparkler get flashed in my face as I help them light them. I love my eye brows.

Journal Entry for 2 July 2014

Wow, I love books. I cannot seem to find enough time to read as many books through out the day as I desire. I am lucky some days to work in a chapter of a desired book, but I will take what I can get. I read through a number of books today on metaphysical topics ranging from spirituality and meditation techniques. These are usually very interesting subjects for me and I could easily find myself talking about these topics to a like minded friend or stranger alike. I sometimes imagine that one day I will have my own massive personal library filled with various books from one subject to the next. It will be so grand that I will have to implement my very own inventory and order system, to ease the task of locating a specific book. This day dream is why I love libraries as well as book stores. I am reminded of some great book sales and I found once at a library that was clearing out some space for new books. Sometimes those are the best! There was no advancement today towards getting such a library of my own, but there was some fun of reading a good two chapters and arranging some school lessons into their own book. I have been keeping my lessons from the metaphysical studies school in document protectors. This was great for protecting them, however, I was unable to read through the lessons without removing them from the protectors. Some of the lessons have been worn a bit from carrying them around in my coat pockets in the past and I haven't wanted to wear them out further. So today I went to the store and bought 120 document protector sleeves and sat patiently removing staples and sliding each page into their own sleeve. It was one fat binder by time I was finished. It took me longer than expected but the feeling when I was finished and could flip through each page was wonderful and worth it. Now, back to day dreaming about that library of my own.

Journal Entry for 1 July 2014

There are days when it seems the ego shatters and I sit looking for direction. These times tend to be the beginning of something new for me, but the first days are always a bit without direction. I sit through the routine of what should be done for each discipline, looking for where my ego will awaken to it's next stimulus. So for now I will continue in routine, looking for the next direction.

Journal Entry for 30 June 2014

     I love my cat, but he thinks he is quite the prince. He has to be the fluffiest cat that I've ever owned and quite easily the laziest.cat I've ever had as a pet. I'm not sure I entirely understand his daily routine. I am occasionally awakened first thing in the morning to the most high pitched of meows that a cat of his size should not bellow...ever. It's confusing. He will not sleep on the bed unless there is a flattened sheet area about 6 times his body size for him to lay on. If the blanket is in the way, or the sheet is crumpled up, forget it, he won't even step on it. So it always startles me when he wakes me up and he's setting on the edge of the bed with barely any room, which he will not normally stand for. Once I'm awake he jumps into the floor and stares at the bedroom door. Mission accomplished I believe he is thinking, the "hooman" is awake. Now I can continue my kitty daily routine.
     The next part of his daily routine involves staring out the back patio window and then staring out the front dining room window, back and forth, until he spots a robin. His eyes grow double their size it seems when he spots a robin on the porch. What follows I still cannot understand how he performs it, but he lets loose a meow that sounds like there is a mini machine gun in his throat shooting meows at the birds through the windows. He does this until he passes out in an inverted position, paws every which direction of the compass. I tend to lose track of him by this time and begin my daily studies. To which I am normally thrown off guard again by the sound of the high pitched meow of his at my feet. When you ask him what he wants, he licks his lips. Snack time. If the box of kitty treats are not at my desk, he will lead you to them when you stand. Feeding him snacks though is about the only time he will sit in my lap though. He normally will not sit in anyone's lap and I think it has something to do with the same reason he won't step on a wrinkled blanket. Once snack time is over, it's time for him to walk away and pass out again.
     When bed time comes, it's a bit of a herding experience to get him into the bedroom. He knows what time it is, and it's always with a reluctant walk that he heads to the bedroom and under the bed or to the corner he seems to have claimed. Here he stays until the lights are off and I am in bed. Silently he walks to the door where he lets out one of those high pitched meows. I cannot say anything to the cat that deters him from meowing a few more times. It matters not the tone you take with him, it's as if he knows better and that surely no trouble will come to him. So it must be safe to let loose a few more meows. It is with relief that I relax when his last little mews die off and he finds a place to sleep finally. Until the morning when his routine repeats. What a goof of a cat, I love him though.

Journal Entry for 29 June 2014

     The power has just came back on. It's a strange eerie feeling when you drive through your town and reach the side of town where your house is located and the power if off for you and your neighbors. Very strange to me when it only affects half the town. I was concerned whether or not I would get my journal entry done in time. Here I go with 15 minutes til midnight.

     I suppose it's not unheard of that children are afraid of the dark, but it's still one more thing to worry about working around when the house has zero lighting and pre-teen children still freaking out. I learned something about myself in that moment. I need to work on my nurturing side. I did not foresee such an event as this taking place when earlier today I took part in a clean up session with the School of Metaphysics. In this session we often draw from a list of topics or aspects/attitudes that we should meditate on while we clean. Mine turned out to nurturing, which in that moment I was stumped as to what I needed to work on this for. The most prominent thought I had was that I needed to work on this for myself, because I was being hard on myself over a current situation and needed to allow myself space to experience it and learn from it without being harsh and judging the experience so brashly. I made peace with that understanding as I meditated on the thoughts and cleaned the school. Now after sitting down and processing the events upon my arrival home and my children acting all manners of scared-of-the-dark syndrome, I realized that my nurturing side could benefit greatly from a tune-up. Something to work on and hopefully the power will stay on long enough for me to submit this. Have a great night everyone.

Journal Entry for 28 June 2014

     Today was one of those days you look forward to during the week, preparing for, believing everything is in line for a smooth day. In hind sight it greatly a rough day. However, it was in each moment that I couldn't see past what I had to do next. It amazes me how my perception of events to be taken care can work such a case of anxiety and stress for my self.
     I awoke early to prepare a group meetup called Dream Catcher's, which meets at a coffee shop (normally in the afternoon, but this time it was after breakfast) and we discuss and share dreams with one another.  This was the easy part though it took me a pit stop at one coffee shop and grab a cup of coffee to finish waking myself up to take care of that which was needed before the meeting began. So with my larger than necessary cup of coffee in hand, I headed to the School of Metaphysics and sorted over my notes of possible dream topics, met up with some my co-coordinator and headed off to the meetup. One meetup session later with my head full of cool and interesting dreams which were shared, and I'm back out the door.
     Now this is where the day gets busy. Two things needed my attention during this time slot. One I was assisting in the gathering of donations for a fund raiser, rather the first step of that process, which is handing out letters and meeting business owners, etc. Which can become stressful and worrisome. Two, I was needed to attend a festival with my family and assist them in case they needed me to travel to and fro, get the vehicle, get one of those thing a ma bobs, be of service in short. So the pressure is on to perform enough communicating with businesses to feel that it made an impact for the fundraiser and the rush back one town over to be there for my family. In hind sight, it went smoothly. It's during the mix of things that it seems one is in a storm of things needing to be done. Metaphysical exercises were still on the table for needing to be done along with my physical routine. Half of each are still needing to be completed. My mind was still clouded when I sat to review class work for various classes and make sure I understood what I was reading correctly. I'm not truly certain I am ever correct, but a moment to enjoy the fireworks being shot-off outside alleviated some stress on the matter.
     So now I sit, finishing up this entry, looking back and seeing that it's all in the past and I cannot change it. I can only be present, now.

Know Your Audience Analysis Exercise

     As I read over the various question and answers, I understand that my audience values family for one thing. A number of posts state that if they could spend one day with any person real or fiction, many of them chose family members. Another question asking what the perfect day would be, once again revealed a number of answers involving a day with family in once scenario or another. Some of the other questions involved asking what television show or movie would represent your life or which character would represent you. To this question I noticed that there were plenty of answers, each different. However, I can say that there seems to be a popular majority of those who watch television or some sort of visual media. I can see that from the the question asking what color is your attitude, everyone generally feels positive about themselves and the way they experience life.

     Already I can build from these three alone, that my audience would favor reading something that pertains to family, holds a positive outlook towards the individual and even shows an interest in fictional dramas. I use the word drama loosely to represent fictional media, movies, television series, daytime dramas, etc.

     The age groups vary in range and there are a number of other slight differences between the individuals here and there, such as who would be a the most desired mentor, though some shared the same interests. This difference would not create a problem for my writing, as each individual chose someone the believe to be wise or of good influence.

     I believe that some of my writings in this area of study (outside of fictional writing and writing for a broad audience) would require a positive approach; though that could depend on the subject of the writings.

     I think what surprised me the most from these discussion board posts, was not entirely the responses of the audience, but the realization of how little television I watch these days. I was interested in each persons post about who would be their mentors, though I wasn't sure how to group that at first for use of writing. Reading over each persons super power desire was another interesting post. I think there is an amount of information that can be gleaned from a persons response to what they want their super power to be. Which now that I think of it could also be a factor in deciding how to write for the audience. Maybe not as a whole, but towards groups. I believe however, that I should stick to writing for the entire audience and not just niches here and there.

     What an interesting assignment.

Journal Entry for 27 June 2014

     Today I almost passed on a fitness routine, to which I later realized would become the downward spiral in the fall out of a discipline.

     Today began much like every other day, awaken from a dream and ponder it's interpretation, though the dream slipped my mind as soon as I got dressed for an early morning walk. Still to this moment I can only recall the appearance of one known man in my dream; which from previous interpretations holds an amount of importance in my interpretations. The usual walk down the path and back was a bit different this morning. The sun was not as hot yet and the wind had a gentle, steady wisp, which kept me cool. I took in the scent of nature and paid notice to the runners and dog walkers. Katie, the name of one stranger's pets, came up to me once again today as we passed. A beautiful dog, of which breed I am not familiar, I only know that age is showing for this one, and of course her name. Which I only know her name because the owner stated it in correction as she came over to me and "lurped" me (licked if you prefer). I am very welcoming to animals and was in no way offended only happy by this happy presence. This day started off refreshing and relaxing.... and continued that way. At least in the manner of relaxing.

     I continued the day sitting at my desk, reading, searching sites, wasting time on sites that humor me when stressed. It has been my routine to go walking, eat breakfast, wait a half hour and then work out. This morning did not go this way. Each hour that went by at my desk I reminded myself, "time to exercise". Yet the hour passed by. Soon it was past dinner time. That last meal about did me in, and then came the sneaky whisper.

"Surely, one rest day wouldn't be so bad?"

"Sure." I thought, many people workout in workout/rest cycles. Surely it wouldn't hurt to rest one day. Something in that moment clicked inside.

"This is the moment which I can choose to be productive and challenge this, or I can let the day slip by and possibly begin the downward motion of a discipline falling."

What a powerful moment!!! I recall now, mixing my workout shake, and preparing my weights wondering where my day had gone among all the books, sites, and matters which lack importance. I already struggle to discipline myself to follow through with all my other metaphysical exercises, was I about to give in here too? Post work out and back at my desk, ONCE AGAIN (sigh) I am very glad I pushed through that workout. Thank goodness for the endorphin release.

Personal Credo

     Choose to respond rather than react. This has been quite the lesson for me with which I found better results to follow. Time and time again choosing to respond intelligently has proven wiser than habitually reacting to a stimulus. When one chooses to respond rather than react, they choose to act in power over themselves and even over the situation. When reacting, one often does so all the while perceiving the stimulus or situation through the filter of their emotions or habits alone. One often reacts as well without giving the situation a moment to breath and think, assimilating what is occurring before them. Choosing to respond rather than reacting is not something that alone is done between persons, but all situations. It allows one to be far more productive with each moment.

     My mother told me from an early age, "When you are angry, take a moment to breath and count to ten before acting or saying anything." This was not assimilated right away, as it took years of experiencing situations and more lessons on the subject to understand and then "know" what she was saying was true. I've learned that I can use that same method for times when I am not only angry, but feeling other emotions as well, and even times when I believe that I am right on the subject being spoken about. Taking a moment to pause and reflect on what has been asked or said can be the defining factor for what one chooses to do next. To simply react requires very little time and very little perception of what is before you at all. It often takes more time for one to repair the damages of a reaction than it does for one to think about something before they do it.

Journal Entry for 26 June 2014

     I am coming to understand how the studies and exercises I am taking truly challenge my discipline each day. Between attending the School of Metaphysics each week and taking two college summer courses through out the week and keeping up with both the exercises and assignments of each, there has come much overlapping within my mind substance; also known as thoughts and thinking. Of course I've learned an important lesson about summer college courses and never again will I decide to take two at the same time. Each one is packed with understandings and lessons with multiple parts to each assignment. An assignment is not but one assignment but two or three. I check now to see if hair is falling out and gladly I can say it is not. A sigh of relief passes through my lips. I add to these assignments my dedication to my physical health as a discipline. A five day rotating split of focused attention to each muscle group revolving without a rest day followed by exercises for each metaphysical class I take as well. Maintaining a balance of physical, spiritual and intellectual studies, contributing to the whole self.
     I look over each lesson and list of assignments and ask, "Why does each list seem to crumble and layer itself over the next set of of words? Clearly I must be looking at this from the wrong perspective and making it all harder than it is." Though such thoughts do not assist me in leaving from my chair and desk any sooner. Outside of the written lesson and assignment sheets and the confusion that I wade through, I look at the whole scenario objectively. What am I learning about this challenge? Dedication. Discipline. There are moments when I feel overwhelmed with what is before me, but I refuse to throw in the towel. Remembering to breath and step away is a requirement for my studies, come back and then read it again. This is often where I tie my physical routine or my meditation in for a break and refresh.
     There is a realization that one may not meet the standards expected by others, but is this failure? No, having an experience and not learning anything, that is failure.Already I have learned much and the word failure is not permitted. I conclude this entry with a feeling of peace.

"This I Believe" Choose One and Freewrite Exercise

     I believe that I am more than my physical body. Such an interesting statement. I am more than my physical body. That was the statement I had heard once in the past by one known as Robert Monroe. While it's easy to choose to be a believer, as one can believe anything said by another or written by another, if he or she so chooses. It is another to be a "knower" of something. I know that the term knower is not grammatically correct, but it has become a title to me. One that is achieved and not handed to you by another or granted to put before your name simply because you attended a course. Most of those titles are still given to those who believe. I believed and still do believe a number of things even though I do not know them. However back to I am more than my physical body. I began in the past to wonder where do I begin and end on the subject who am I and what is this I that I am referring to? Am I my thoughts I would wonder? Am I my emotions or am I this body at that? I say I and refer to this body and I if I inhabit it. Do I inhabit it thought? Or is it possible that it is much like an avatar in some game much like a child would play a video game and control that character on a little screen? Hard to say on that note. I looked at dreaming for example. What are those and how are they made? I tried to do research and follow the thought of scientist, and I'm still not sure that I understood that they understood either. I experienced dreams where I became aware that I was dreaming though I didn't wake up. I took control of my dream state and moved around as I pleased. But how? I wasn't certain. To further this I had an experience I wasn't sure I could explain. I laid down after a long day at a house with a group of friends. It had been a long, exhausting day, and I felt it in my body as I drifted quickly into a sleep state on the couch of the living room. The lights were still on and a friend of mine sat typing at his computer in the living room while others answered phone calls and interpretting dreams. I became aware either before sleeping on in that state of sleep that I was awake. Or was I? For I was not staring at the room from the couch but rather I stared at my own physical body from a few feet from where I slept. It made little physical sense, as the object that was placed here was a coffee table. I could perceive myself clearly in the light of the room. I thought to myself how I shouldn't have fallen asleep with a red blanket pulled around my head. I appeared as a red bearded, red-riding hood, passed out holding a pillow. Quite a strange experience but it was one that lead me to know that I was more than physical...it seems that my 10 minute timer is going off.

The word count above is 545 words.

"This I Believe" 10 Minute Writing Exercise

1. I believe that I am more than my physical body.
2. I believe that my conscious reality is based mainly around my perception.
3. I believe that I can choose to respond rather than react.
4. I believe that there are many colors that are beyond the spectrum of my perception.
5. I believe that many things I believe are based on my upbringing, schools, propaganda, and I have yet seen through the subject clearly with unbiased attention.
6. I believe that our country has given away liberty in a trade for security and that was a fatal error.
7. I believe that each person interprets a situation differently based on what they perceived and how they recall the events.
8. I believe it will soon be time for me to cut the grass again at the S.O.M. school as I know the time to cut my grass is again coming nigh.
9. I believe that my dreams hold a very important message about my level of waking consciousness as do the dreams of others reflect the same for them.
10. I believe I have had several good ideas for books from my dreams alone.
11. I believe I enjoy dreaming though it is unproductive to maintain a sleep state.
12. I believe there are many ways to exercise.
13. I believe that a persons figure does not equal beauty.
14. I believe beauty resonates from the inside.
15. I believe that physical beauty can still be attractive, it just depends on the viewer.
16. I believe that I enjoy the taste of tea.
17. I believe that too much sweetener in my tea can ruin the flavor for it.
18. I believe I enjoy cooking and am a decent cook in my own niche of recipes.
19. I believe I dislike cooking for those who are picky eaters.
20. I believe human beings should have more say over their ow n health.
21. I believe that the lines between corporations and government are too blurry and  undefined for my liking.
22. I believe society does not want people to become wise.
23. I believe that I would rather die free than be a slave, though I have no problem freely on my own accord being of service to another.

The word account above is 381 words.

Learning about myself as a student and writer via reasoning and the Jung typology test.

     I have always been interested in personality types and tests. Be it in the form of astrological signs of the zodiac, strength finder tests, the Jung typology test, and the numerous others that I have taken in the past. Some of the fun and games, the others more serious with several studies to back them. I have also taken an interest to writing, though more prominently along the lines of fiction. With this knowledge one could imagine the amount of my interest that was perked when I received a Composition 1 course assignment to compare and contrast the Jung typology test results in relation to my writing and my possible experiences as a student. So let us take the path through my thoughts on this adventure.

     I had taken this test about three weeks ago, interestingly enough as a suggestion from a friend. I took the test and came upon the results as an ENFP. I didn't give a whole lot of thought about what it meant at the moment as I happen to be pressed for time. My friend however showed interest and I took his response quite favorable. I figured I'd look into it further later. Fast forward to the present, I sat before my laptop with the website open and ready to take the personality test once again. I was curious how consistent my results would be. It felt as if I hadn't seen any of these questions before and I questioned if the pool of questions were randomized. To my surprise and satisfaction I was consistent in my results as being listed as an ENFP. "But what does that mean?", I wondered. I read over the page of information concerning the ENFP type and shook my head here and nodded my head there as I scrolled down the page. Then I began to piece together, how does this compare to writing and being a student, in terms of my experiences. Allow me to continue.

     I decided it best to break the information down into what I could reason as Pros and Cons in light of being a writer and being a student. First the pros as today I feel like going with the good news first! There is a lot of information that I found pleasing to read, but not all of it out right pertained to writing. In terms of writing, ENFP personality types are great at brainstorming and also natural role-players. Is this true for everyone? I don't know, but I do know that they hold true for me. When I begin to write I can come up with many ideas and imaginings that I would like to transfer into text. Often to further these ideas I mentally role-play the idea or scene out in my head and then write down what took place on the screen behind my eyelids. Both of these points also work well in a student setting, even better if I was to work in a group setting. Brainstorming as a team and a bit of role-play or even devil's advocate in a debatable essay can stir up new thoughts or further current ones. ENFP types tend to be very friendly being both idea-people and people-people, I can see how this would be very beneficial in a classroom or student experience.

     While there are a number of other possible Pros I think we should take a look at some of the perceived Cons for balance. In a classroom or student setting and even as a writer, the ENFP personality type does have some perceived downsides. ENFPs can be easily distracted, especially if one is being kept busy with small uninteresting tasks. I am aware that parts of a number of assignments I have had in the past are those small uninteresting bits that I'd rather not do and also as the personality type suggests, I tend to procrastinate in these areas or mentally work it out through my day until I can sit down and just plow through it. Also one tends to make hasty decisions based on how they are feeling and these can lead to unpredictable results. I am a bit undecided how I feel about this aspect or rather I am split. I can account times in the past I have been hasty in my decision making and also times when I left the situation undecided, letting others decide it for me. Possibly that was my decision to be indecisive, but I digress. Something I found that could be an issue or in conflict with meeting the standards is that ENFPs have a tendency believe that close enough is good enough. Some may have a high standard in contrast with an ENFP and I can see where one or the other would have to step out of their comfort zones to be agreeable on the subject. In the case of the class, one would be wise to assume that it is the student who should. Due to being easily distracted and becoming bored of small uninteresting tasks, it can be difficult for one of the ENFP type to follow through with what they begin. This is an issue for both writing and being a student.

     While I have pointed out the Pros and Cons of what I've learned from this experience, I have dusted off understandings of what of my personality will benefit me and what of it will need to be pushed through and overcame. What an experience!